Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
