I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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