8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
