I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
