his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I touched a dick in church today
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
