and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize