I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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