it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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