is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
