grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
