He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
