If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
