remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
