If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I still have a little drunk in my system
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
