We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
