My room smells like vodka and shame
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
