he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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