HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
