how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
