whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
