Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
