Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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