um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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