FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
