Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
