there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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