I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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