I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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