and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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