Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
