So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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