I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
