She's JV to your varsity
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
