It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
