Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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