I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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