I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
