she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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