I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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