Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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