so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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