glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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