She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
