He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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