Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
