Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
