In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
