In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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