I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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