I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
