you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
