I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
