we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
