Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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