Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
