did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
