The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
