I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
