how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
