every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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