i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
