I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
