Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
