so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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