We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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