U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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