sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
