No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
