Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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