Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
