this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
