Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
