I skipped work to stalk him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize