Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
