i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
