so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sext me about skeletons
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
