2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
