haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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