Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize