Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
