Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
