and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
