She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
