Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
