If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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