They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
These tits shall not be calmed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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