What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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