So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
