PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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