He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm both gender and math confused
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
