oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do herpes really smell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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