I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
