Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
