I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
