upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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