So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
