As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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