The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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