i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
