i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
