I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
