I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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