some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
