Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
