Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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